Much later...

It's been since October 2009 since my last real post.

Right now, I am having trouble telling whether going back to school reduced my unhappiness enough to cancel out the amount of stress that I am now enduring. I have never questioned myself as much as I am now. Science has never felt so foreign to me; it has never felt so unforgiving and joyless. I have never wanted more to curl up in a ball away from the world.
My husband's stress levels have increased again. He's trying to help me through some of my courses, but he can't teach me any more than my terrible professors can. His work is going poorly, our car is working poorly, our grades are coming out poorly, our health is also behaving poorly. His patience is gone, which wears on both of us and we're in a rough place in our lives. Together we can figure something out, but we each have to come to terms with different things. I have to figure out who I want to be and if I can be content with what I do, or if I will always care more about what other people think of me. He has to come to terms with the fact that what's done in our lives is done, and that almost everything that he's dealing with is out of his control. What's done is done.


I just want to lay in the grass and sleep for weeks.