Well, the ulcer... if that is really what it is (I don't know still, because all the different doctors I have encountered are severely mentally limited) is still here. It has gotten better, but it still bothers me. It has NOT made me lose any weight. Well, at least not significantly. I could lose twenty pounds and still be overweight, so losing weight is a daunting task for me.
We are ridiculously low on cash. The husband's job was taken over by their corporate headquarters, and were issued a new general manager. The new GM is a controlling cockass and has been trying to drive all the people who have worked there for years out so he can play god and choose his own crew. Thing is everyone who works there is great, and efficient, and works hard. Since he has been driving them out, all of the regulars (old people, who are VERY reliable) have stopped coming in, and he is blaming all the remaining people for the lull in business. Basically, instead of my husband getting 30-50 hours a week, he now has... get this... FUCKING FOURTEEN!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! And of course, we live in a right to work state, so we can't do a fucking thing.
And I have a crappy job where I make no money. So we both pounded pavement (literally, walked for freaking ever, my new pants are wearing out now) the other day to try to find a new job for him and an additional job for me. Before you say anything about why doesnt HE get two jobs too, he goes to school. So he has more than one level of stress there.
Thing is, there are no jobs here. I even lowered myself to food service (which I swore I would never do) and NOTHING. Both of us (especially him, restaurant wise as he used to be a chef) are VERY over-qualified for all the jobs we applied for, but I know we are going to be rejected. You do not know how it feels to be rejected by a job that you need that you are MORE than qualified for.
I can not fucking take it anymore. It is ridiculous.
So right now I am not sure I can pay the following:
Rent
Credit card 1
Credit card 2
Student Loan 1
Student Loan 2
Husband's Loan
Power Bill
Water Sewer Garbage Bill
Cell Phone Bill
To Fix the Two fucked up cars that wont drive, but that we need
For Groceries
Medical Bills
Et fucking cetera
We are ridiculously low on cash. The husband's job was taken over by their corporate headquarters, and were issued a new general manager. The new GM is a controlling cockass and has been trying to drive all the people who have worked there for years out so he can play god and choose his own crew. Thing is everyone who works there is great, and efficient, and works hard. Since he has been driving them out, all of the regulars (old people, who are VERY reliable) have stopped coming in, and he is blaming all the remaining people for the lull in business. Basically, instead of my husband getting 30-50 hours a week, he now has... get this... FUCKING FOURTEEN!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! And of course, we live in a right to work state, so we can't do a fucking thing.
And I have a crappy job where I make no money. So we both pounded pavement (literally, walked for freaking ever, my new pants are wearing out now) the other day to try to find a new job for him and an additional job for me. Before you say anything about why doesnt HE get two jobs too, he goes to school. So he has more than one level of stress there.
Thing is, there are no jobs here. I even lowered myself to food service (which I swore I would never do) and NOTHING. Both of us (especially him, restaurant wise as he used to be a chef) are VERY over-qualified for all the jobs we applied for, but I know we are going to be rejected. You do not know how it feels to be rejected by a job that you need that you are MORE than qualified for.
I can not fucking take it anymore. It is ridiculous.
So right now I am not sure I can pay the following:
Rent
Credit card 1
Credit card 2
Student Loan 1
Student Loan 2
Husband's Loan
Power Bill
Water Sewer Garbage Bill
Cell Phone Bill
To Fix the Two fucked up cars that wont drive, but that we need
For Groceries
Medical Bills
Et fucking cetera
Not to mention, that my husband has a history of stress related Ulcers (we are quite the fucking pair, arent we). He is already more stressed out than I want him. He is becoming more and more unhappy. He is being disheartened by the whole no money bad job thing, so I feel terrible about me feeling bad. I don't tell him how stressed I am by my job and how much I hate some of the people, how much I hate being degraded by the minimal pay I recieve there, not to mention how much I hate myself physically right now (and mentally, as I am a college dropout and failure in everyones eyes).
Things were good for a while, but I knew it was too good to be true.
And all he says when I ask if we can do things that are very cheap but that I know would regularly at least make him forget and be happy for five minutes is "We can't afford it." Or he will say "sure, whatever you want" and smile, but it never touches his eyes and he doesn't know that I know he is faking. If I can't be happy, I don't care;
... I just want him to be.
... I just want him to be.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry. You really have a lot of shit to deal with right now. Have you thought about moving someplace else--- I know you wouldn't be able to probably right now, but in general, a more metroploitan area with more opportunities. I hate my job, too and am living way beyond my means. Being an adult sucks, especially when you get no assistance from your parents--- because you are an adult.
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