Part One: Went back to work today. It wasn't so bad. I mean, it was still work, but it went by pretty fast. Also, my husband came to pick me up for my lunch and we went to the park. But it was rainy today, so we just ate in the car and mocked the seagull that was staring at us. I like a few of the people I work with, but I couldn't hang out with any of them outside of work. Too big of age differences, or just not sure that they would want to hang out with me. Oh well. I guess I will stay and work my minimum (slave) wage job and try to find friends outside of work.
I am still throwing around the idea of going back to school. And still throwing around the idea of teaching... which I am not sure of yet. But I can picture myself in it, I worry about the actual teaching part though. I do not think that students would respect me, and I am still not sure how that would change my ideas for a family, etc. Also, where would I go to school? That would mean another four years of having to live in apartments, because the schools I could go to are not in places I will ever want to live. Either that or I would have to commute to school and then to work every day. I guess it kind of depends. Oh it stinks to think about it...
I am still throwing around the idea of going back to school. And still throwing around the idea of teaching... which I am not sure of yet. But I can picture myself in it, I worry about the actual teaching part though. I do not think that students would respect me, and I am still not sure how that would change my ideas for a family, etc. Also, where would I go to school? That would mean another four years of having to live in apartments, because the schools I could go to are not in places I will ever want to live. Either that or I would have to commute to school and then to work every day. I guess it kind of depends. Oh it stinks to think about it...
Part Two: My internet crapped out on me last night, so the first part of this post is from yesterday, and this part is from today, Tuesday. I had to go into the office at my apartment complex to get internet. It is kind of a drag, because I cant put my feet up, or anything. Stupid people making me get dressed and what not, haha. Every day I get more torn about this going back to school thing. Because every day, I want to go even more, but then everything that would make it twice as hard gets louder in my mind, so I end up farther apart than last time. 
I keep thinking that if I don't do it, I never will. But then I am still not sure if I actually do want to, or if I am just so dissatisfied with my life and job now that I would do anything. I mean, I did go to college before, and I did hate it. But then again, it could have been because I was unmotivated, or because it was my first time out of the house (also my first, and certainly not last, experience with liquid courage). A lot happened that year. I guess I will never know if I don't try, but it is so much money to lose on a gamble. And I have another person to think about. It's not just me anymore. How will it change his opportunities for work or a career. He graduates next may, and will go looking for a career in his future field; How will me going back to school change or influence that for him.
I keep thinking that if I don't do it, I never will. But then I am still not sure if I actually do want to, or if I am just so dissatisfied with my life and job now that I would do anything. I mean, I did go to college before, and I did hate it. But then again, it could have been because I was unmotivated, or because it was my first time out of the house (also my first, and certainly not last, experience with liquid courage). A lot happened that year. I guess I will never know if I don't try, but it is so much money to lose on a gamble. And I have another person to think about. It's not just me anymore. How will it change his opportunities for work or a career. He graduates next may, and will go looking for a career in his future field; How will me going back to school change or influence that for him. Great, another thing to think about. I know he will support me in whatever I do, he has told me. He said yesterday, that if I wanted to go back to school, he would do whatever he could to help me. But still, I do not want to do anything to cause him to resent me and my stupid decisions.
1 comment:
I started massage therapy school last June at the urging of my then-fiance. He was getting ready to graduate and was always saying I was too smart to just do what I was doing, and it was when it seemed I'd never get my current promotion. I felt like I wanted him to be proud of me, and be contributing something to our future and our life together, so I took on going to school four nights a week whilst still working a full-time job. This was also when he was not working because his parents paid for everything. I think it contributed to our break-up, and when we did, now I was left in the middle of this school commitment with something my heart was seriously no longer in. If I knew then what I know now, I never would have gotten mixed up in it. If I did anything, I would have just taken some writing classes at community college to get back in the school scene, but this is now like a damn albatross around my neck. Although I passed everything and massage still appeals to me in some ways, it's all left a bad taste in my mouth. Just thought I'd share. As you may have read in my past posts, nothing appeals to me and I honestly have no ambition whatsoever. I will be content to have a decent job, and have blessed time to pursure my own interests or just do absolutely nothing when I'm not at work.
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