Trying it out

Quite a few people that I know do the blog thing. Some take it too far, saying things about their friends that they would never say in person, but at the same time they send them the links to their posts. That is a little much. Then again, I never said I was not passive aggressive, I just am not sure that I am going to let many people know that this is here. I have not decided yet. I think I may feel better knowing that potentially, someone could happen upon it and have an input that will affect...effect... (damn my english teachers for not telling me which is the correct one) me.
Here are a few things you might get to know about me during this process. I figure I will try to get this drama out of the way right at the start.
I have a lack of self-esteem/poor self image. I always have. In high school, I thought that I was fat (I wasn't) and when I would get compliments, I would take them badly. Basically, I just didn't believe it. Now, I am fat, and the estimage (esteem+image=estimage) did not get any better. It bothers me daily. I don't personally know anyone with image issues this bad, but, to make you understand, this is how my brain takes it. Wake up, go brush teeth, loathe what I see in the mirror. Shower, again, hate self. Dress: wish I was not so disgusting. Now, I dont think that I am ugly facially, but physically. During the day, I will forget that I am fat, but then it hits me and I remember. I try to stay positive and friendly, but "inside" I feel grosser than Michael Moore. I have not been eating as much, and I have been dieting, and working out. It is just not working, but I am trying to get over it. My husband is fantastic and tries to help so I feel pretty, but it does not work.

The other drama is that I have recently moved to Boise and I have no friends here. It is depressing to realize that you dont have any friends. I realize that I have friends from High School or college, but there are only about five of them, and I only talk to them every once in a while. It is difficult to live and work somewhere where you don't have a core group of friends, or people to hang out with, or party with, or celebrate a birthday with. My in-laws make me feel like a loser because of comments that they make. Not to me, but I will be around, or in the next room, when they are talking about people being overweight and gross, or not finishing college meaning that you are a loser who will never get anywhere in life. I realize that right now I might not be doing a lot in life, but we could not afford to live if both their son, my husband, and I were both going to school. And I do not want to waste more money on an education I am unsure of. It is still heartbreaking to know that the only people that you do have around you, think that you are trash. I also found out that two people that I considered to be my friends (they were even in my wedding party) have never liked me. I don't think that you should fake it to that extreme. I understand being nice, or civil, but to accept an invitation to be in your wedding if you do not like the person.
Okay, *phew* That was nice.

Now, onto some not real drama... If you aren't already, you should get yourself addicted to Questionable Content. Amazing, I have to say so myself. I have to thank Kevin for telling me about it. Well... I will spoil it partially for you now, but if you go read from the start, you'll forget... Faye had sex with somebody (I won't say who) and Oh how I saw it coming (no pun intended) and I hope it works out well. Here is the link: http://www.questionablecontent.net/. You really do need to go check it out.

Well, I probably will think of something else later today.